Articles
Thoughts on mental health, happiness, and the messiness of being human. I cover everything from developing self-love and self-compassion to setting healthy boundaries and finding your path in life.
Browse by Topic
Finding Your Path
Why change is so f*cking hard
Imagine that you’re caught in a riptide. The water is tossing and dragging you out to sea. You’re terrified and about to drown. Suddenly, a…
Starting a new dream: how I navigated a mid life…
Note: This article picks up where the 2016 article, “Letting Go of a Dream: Why I left Professional Speaking” leaves off. -1-…
Calling my shot part 2: embracing the grey
In 2016 I wrote a post titled, "Calling my shot." In it, I committed to valuing authenticity and service over vanity metrics and popularity…
Embracing the void: lessons about pain, confusion…
My early 20’s were chaotic. I studied abroad in Hong Kong, then dropped out of school, traveled until my money ran out, and started…
Finding your path part 2: 7 questions to help you…
I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to create a life worth living. This included learning to love myself, meditation, therapy…
An open letter to life coaches and…
Note 1: Given some of my previous work this article is deeply hypocritical. I get that. But then, if we don’t periodically reevaluate our…
Permission to dream small
In my current phase of life, I find myself searching for next steps and trying to stay open to new possibilities. When I mention this to…
Why following your passions is bad career advice
I used to be one of those annoying guys who urged people to find their passion and encouraged them to turn it into it their job. As far as I…
Being cool with being normal
I have to confess that for most of my life, I thought I was destined for fame and world-class success. I didn’t think I’d be in the top 1%…
How to quit (and why it leads to happiness)
May, 2004: I’ve just stepped off stage from my last magic show ever. It feels… anticlimactic. I imagined that I’d be emotional…
Happiness and Fulfillment
The tension between money and happiness
July, 2021: Just before I sat down to meditate, I got a stock tip. My buddy swore that this company was going to go from $8 to $300 in less…
What are the Five Best Moments of Your Life So…
Every few years I pause to ask myself, "What are the best five moments of my life?" I love this question. It's nice to revisit the bright…
A mental model to boost happiness and productivity
"I understand there's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a…
Five seconds for a fleeting burst of joy
I recently began a two-year course with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach to become a meditation teacher. During a retreat last month, Jack…
The curse of moderate success
May, 2009: It was advice I didn’t want to hear. I was trying to start a business and busy dreaming of a comfortable life – one…
Sneaking up on happiness
August 2018: It’s been months since the last wild night with the boys, ambitious project at work, or whirlwind romance. Given that…
Using gratitude to shape your future
For years, thought leaders and pop-psychologists have been telling us that gratitude is the long lost secret to happiness, success…
Staring the human condition straight in the eye
“Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day. But…
Why does success feel so empty?
Last week: Z*, who founded a 30 person company, is staying with me for the night. When I show him my apartment, I awkwardly say, “I…
2017: the year of hell yeah or guilt free no
At the beginning of every year, I choose a new trait to develop in myself. Past traits have included: 2014: learning to make significant…
Mindfulness & Self Awareness
Mindfulness meditation class recordings (and sign…
When the pandemic hit I began offering free live-online meditation classes every Monday night through July of 2020. You can find recordings…
The mechanics of your mind
My parents dragged me to a fancy dinner party in 1999. I was 13-years-old: at the end of the night, the adults ask to see a magic trick. I…
Reminders to myself part II: notes for the good…
“The proper response to life is applause” –William Carlos Williams As I write, I find myself in an unfamiliar spot. All of the elements in…
A guide to meditation: how to do it, how it…
February 2013, Washington, DC: My college friends C* and B* are visiting W* and me. We’ve just gotten back from the bar and are…
3 days of silence
The past year has been whirlwind. A lot in my life has changed. I quit my job as a speaker to focus on writing and starting a new business…
Reminders to myself
When I fail to give my mind any sort of structure or organization, my world grows dark and crazy. I find myself fixating on embarrassments…
How to understand, cultivate, and focus your…
July 2nd, 2016, Washington, DC: I’ve just delivered the Best Man toast at W* and E*’s wedding. People are shaking my hand and giving me…
Getting to know yourself: eleven questions for…
2008, my first (and last) date with K*: I didn’t know that it was possible to shock someone into self-awareness, but that’s exactly what K*…
Personal Reviews
2022 personal review: lessons, losses, and…
Early Nov, 2022: It’s a dark and snowy night. I’m tired, but not exhausted. I’m listening to a piano album as the car in front of me is…
2021 personal review: lessons, losses, and…
It’s never been easy to be human, but 2021 was particularly hard. We’re rounding out the second year of the pandemic…
2020 personal review: lessons, losses, victories…
Ya, so 2020 sucked for me too. While there were some nice things that happened, including beginning work as a therapist, they pale in…
2019 personal review: lessons, losses, victories…
2019 was a year lived in the extremes. On one hand, for the first time ever, I feel firmly on my path. I experienced a flow, joy, and ease…
2018 personal review: lessons, losses, and…
Excerpted from an email to a friend, Oct 2018: Most of this year was exceptionally difficult. I was blindsided by a breakup, a project I…
2017 personal review: lessons, losses, and…
I almost don’t know how to describe 2017. Over the course of the past year, I: Was threatened with my first ever lawsuit (it scared…
2016 personal review: the victories, losses, and…
2016 was – by far – the best year of my life. It was also one of the most demanding. This is not a coincidence. To live a truly…
Relationships & Boundaries
On the beauty of setting boundaries and drowning…
Mexico, Sept 2019, during my first solo trip in 4.5 years: I didn't think that eating a taco could feel like a divine experience – I mean…
30 ways to set boundaries: a guide for people…
Learning to set boundaries made me more uncomfortable than I expected. Much of my identity was unconsciously defined by the desire to be…
Eight ways to improve your people skills
Modernity is filled with false gods. How many of us have chased – and even achieved – success, only to find that it didn’t fill the void we…
How to make friends as an adult: a guide to…
New Year’s Eve, 2015, Denver, CO, 11:50 pm: I feel lonely. Though New Year’s Eve is one of the biggest party nights of the year, I was only…
The hidden agony of men and their mental health
When I turned 30, I decided to focus on my mental health, which included spending six months in therapy. For a while I didn’t tell anyone…
How to overcome the need to be a people-pleaser
UPDATE AUGUST 21, 2020: Quick heads up – my thinking on some of the topics in this article has changed. A lot. Please see point 3 here…
On relationships, awareness, and compassion
“I have just three things to teach: Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in…
What happens when you’re completely honest…
October 2016: M* is upset with me for a good reason. Two reasons, actually. Reason number 1: I’m in town and I didn’t call her to hang out…
Becoming a giver: the most important lesson in a…
May 2009: I’m 23 and eating breakfast with J*, a man who would go on to be one of the most influential people in my life. J* is…
How to draw the good out of people (and yourself)
Scene 1: My Lyft driver has a 5-star rating. I assume he’s new. When I get into his car I ask, “How long have you been…
Resilience & Hardship
Finding light in the darkness: 7 questions to help…
It feels like ages since I've had my feet fully beneath me. Even when my personal and professional lives are steady, I can't help but grieve…
Learning to suffer productively
Buddhists philosophers begin their quest for a good life with a counter-intuitive observation. They notice, simply, that life kinda sucks…
Finding mental health during times of uncertainty
There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken, a shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable. There is a sorrow beyond all…
When the world won’t stop beating you down
Earlier this year: It was already an impossible week. After 60 hours at work and school, I needed to hop on a red-eye to attend another…
Harnessing the fires of anger
Earlier this month during a meditation class, the teacher asked, "What's holding you back from living with a more open heart?" The answer…
Embracing your dark edges
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes” – Walt Whitman – 1…
Getting out of a rut part 2: overcoming the hidden…
Note: this is the second installment in a two-part series on getting out of a rut. The first part, which can be found here, is on emotional…
Getting out of a rut part 1: emotional…
Summer, 2018, during a brutal silent meditation retreat: It’s been two days since I’ve had significant human contact. Worse…
It’s ok to not be ok from time to time
Right now life feels particularly unstable. Long time readers know that I endured a decent amount of turbulence this year, and to the best…
The art of suffering: how to use pain to improve…
March 2018, Botanical Gardens, Denver, CO: C* has always been generous, kind, and loving. Two years ago, I did something very hurtful to…
Self-Worth & Self-Compassion
On being nice to yourself: 3-steps to…
Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness...Galway Kinnell in “Saint Francis and the Sow” For most of my life, I've…
When the world won’t stop beating you down
Earlier this year: It was already an impossible week. After 60 hours at work and school, I needed to hop on a red-eye to attend another…
Living in a world where your body is obscene
“If war is holy and sex is obscene, we’ve got it twisted in this lucid dream” -Alicia Keys on “Holy War”…
Overcoming low self-worth
Autumn, 2014: It should be impossible to feel like shit right now, and yet, somehow, I do… On paper, my life is beyond perfect. My…
How to overcome the need to be a people-pleaser
UPDATE AUGUST 21, 2020: Quick heads up – my thinking on some of the topics in this article has changed. A lot. Please see point 3 here…
Beautiful imperfection: the path to self-love
Most of us have been subtly trained to resent ourselves for being human. What makes us beautiful rests exclusively in our rough edges and…
Defeating your inner critic
“An old Cherokee told his grandson, ‘My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy…
Escaping the prison of unworthiness
Years ago, one of my friends shared an allegory that changed how I think about myself and the world. The allegory: You wake up and realize…
You’re not broken: the hidden dangers of…
January 2013: D* and I are eating breakfast and talking about the year ahead. Since my speaking business is doing well (finally), I’ve…